Attached?

'When you think about it, it’s silly that after the first year you could predict with any confidence what this person is going to be like in twenty years. It’s a ridiculous idea.' Hundred percent; depends on how the brain achieves it. But I need the other to help me get into a relationship of trust. In a relationship, I chicken. Why? Who can imagine that the relationship with yourself is key to trust? And if you are open to the following; who needs trust, anyway? What do we mean by trust? What is the issue with distrust? Why are we not satisfied with whatever life throws at us, be it fear, doubt or despair? 'How can you not trust yourself, when you discover that it is you yourself? You cannot distrust what you really are.'  Hans Laurentius Discussing flows in relationship makes you stronger. It's not good to give everyone your trust that fast. I call it my boundary and knowing where I have to work on in a relationship. You know that I definitely trust myself. I trust myself that I work this way and that I can look distanced while close. Even though the form of love has changed. It's always scary to fall away from love without seeing, as we always have done. I respect myself. I love myself. I want to love others always the way that I deserve to be loved, and as I love myself. I have changed, my perspective is different, but I am a work in progress and I don't want to lean back to what I have known for forty years what I now believe to be wrong. So I will tell my spouse that I am loving myself and how I want to be loved, and if I fall back in old habits. I want to find her hand in the dark to find my way back. To who I really believe who I am. I can always take my own hand. But just as I know for all these years, I am scared to miss my own hand in darkness and need a hand of light to pull me back again faster. Even though I think that I will not fall back in ego. We can better expand ourselves with love. I feel whole for who I am. And my spouse will be an extension of that to make me over complete with love, so I will thrive in a higher perspective of love then I ever experienced before. A place where I have never been before. A place where even when I am down, I am still in a place of love. Love to you my brother, and don't lose yourself in overthinking life, go with the flow of joy! Peace out, my awesome pirate! Thank you. If you trust yourself, there should be no fear of the other. When working on yourself, can you imagine that everyone acts as a mirror? So, if you don't trust someone, the problem lies in you, not with the other. Which is part of shadow work. I wouldn't say you don't trust yourself from your perspective, but perhaps you are willing to open your eyes. To digest what countless others have done before us. To look at things from different angles. To actually overthink life and lose yourself, in order to find out there is no life, overthinking and a 'self'. Deep contemplation is what most of the dark night is all about. Don't worry about the future, die to the past and live in the here now, until the present presents itself as a mirage, too. Why love others the way that ye think you deserve to be loved? Why love in the first place? When are you going to see that this type of love is shallow? True love ain't a thing that can be given, taken or received. If so, call it ego. There is a lot of knowledge out there to supply yourself with. To exercise the brain muscles. To not get stuck in a monopolistic view on life. Although it remains mere mental gymnastics, why not read yourself through the art of spiritual literature? It may not only improve yourself (if you believe to be someone), but also offers to go through intimacy, beyond love. Whatever people call love and spirituality continues to be materialistic. Some call love unconditional. But there are conditions to it, if you are honest. As I read how you want to be loved, to find a hand in darkness 'faster' and assume that a spouse will be an extension to overcomplete (?) you with love, as to find a higher view of it then never before, I may leave you to it. To these blessed and well-meant, yet immature ideas. Or I can grill until there is no will. Propose ideas that are wiser in proportion. Why look at the future? At imagination? What is wrong with just now? Is there any problem? I don't see any. Why can we not be content with all and nothing? Ego ever seeks something that ain't here or wants to get rid of something, that is. Buddha mentioned it, 'life is accessible only in the present moment'. You are as good as you are. No need to change, though it is well, too and irrevocable: the only constant in life is change, said Heraclitus. So, why not be the change? Change love, for instance, '[because] when true love strikes (you can't make or practice this) you die, you might say. Then your separation, your self-esteem, your spiritual and social fuss based on fear and desire, is destroyed. Then you become real. And those who are real, no longer need confirmation from anyone or anything. A real person no longer has to believe, fear, beg, or seek.' Hans Laurentius To flow with life (anatta, non-self), not against it (ahamkara, ego). Face the joy of the joyless. Love? Shiver me timbers!  Trusting another that she loves you as you need is not something you can find at yourself. Can you trust everyone, then? ;-) Some programs are there to protect you. I feel you, that is what I try to say. In different words. I love myself. So I don't need anyone. If I get anyone, that will be a +. And otherwise we talk in Dutch, hahaha. Can better explain myself, hahaha. Love! Good for you. Self-love is a way to go, not the goal. Transcend it. Yet, why do ye say you need someone, as well as you don't? Trust anyone? It is no use asking me such questions. There is no one, no self. Love, trust, and whatever seems only true to the one who mistakes its thoughts and feelings for real. Don't believe me, though. Find it out for yourself. Try to inquire before assuming anything. Trust is no issue and everyone is no fact, either. Not only through investigation, but supported by many, this can be seen as an antivirus for the constant 'I am someone who needs someone and while I am at it; I require trust, another to treat me like this or that' and whatever it is that ego throws at you. Get real and stop taking things for granted. If you are really interested in something, why not get to the bottom of it?